Self Discovery

So this weekend I spent a lot of time laying in bed and watching some back episodes of Bravo!'s Thintervention. Might sound like a waste of time, but I actually connected with one piece of advice that Jackie gave her clients.

She told them to care for themselves In the same manner the flight attendants ask that you place the oxygen masks over yourself before assisting anyone else. This analogy rang so loudly in my head. How can you help anyone else without helping yourself first? Although it may seem possible at first, you end up harming yourself in one way or another!

So interesting!

I Just Wanna...

Life is often complicated and overwhelming. 49 hour weeks at work, coming home to care for an ailing grandmother, going to school full time, while trying to be a role model and figure of positivity for a complex 13 year old that has physically been through hell. It's easy to say, "if it's too much, don't do it, just quit." That's the thing though! Quitting is so easy that it doesn't make any sense for me.

I would be a liar if there wasn't a financial need behind all the work I put out. That is a major part of why I continue to work so endlessly and so diligently. But at the same time, why quit when I love everyone that I work for, work with, and everything I am working towards. I am the type of person that absorbs other's pain, problems, needs, and fears. I love whole heartily and I am willing to stand before anyone or anything to make sure my friends and family aren't hurt.

I must admit though that sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with everything I do. Sometimes I feel unappreciated, taken advantage of, and just plainly stressed out. Especially lately, I have felt on many occasions that I want to through my hands up and say f*&k it all. You know what I mean? Sometimes I want to detach from the person I am. Release myself from the responsibilities of life and walk away from it all. Freedom, Carelessness, and no Responsibility! Absolute bliss! Oh how I ache for the day!

I know, sound a bit bi-polar but that wasn't the point of this blog entry.

The point was that every now and then I am reminded of the reason why I do what I do and why I do so much. Every now and then the compliments and gratitude are graciously given. "You are one of the best foster parents that we have." "Is there something that I can do to help you further your career?" "I don't know what you do, but I have never seen this much progress in a child before." "You should be a nurse, your grandmother is doing amazingly well."

Don't get me wrong! I'm not trying to gloat, I just want to remind you, as well as myself, to not overlook the compliments that people give you. I often overlook those compliments and assume they are just being nice and really don't mean it. But even if they don't, take a moment to appreciate the words. Compliments usually don't come easily. Appreciate the effort others make by giving you a compliment, whether big or small. Life is too short to not stop and appreciate the wisdom and appreciation others offer us.

I Wouldn't Call That a Weekend!

Now, if someone told me on Friday, what I would be going through-I would have told life, "I'm calling in sick." Crazy, crazy, crazy! I can't go into details, but I will say I haven't had that much trouble from a keiki in a few years. We were so ready to cut the line and say goodbye! BUT! We got a glimpse of this child's life and couldn't help but care! Care about his past, care about his present, and care about his future!

It's Time

OMG, it has been a really really long time since I touched my blog. I got sick of doing it after all the stress of work and dealing with the challenges of having a therapeutic foster child in our home. Don't get me wrong though! I love working with children, even therapeutic foster children, but foster parents really do have a hard job. We balance the needs and goals of every single component in these children's lives. Whether it be from school, therapy, social workers, family, or even within our home, we have to find that balance to ensure these children not only meet those needs and goals, but be able to stay stable. Can you imagine having 10 different people from 10 different agencies sitting around a table to decide what they want out of your life? 10 people basically controlling your destiny! It's a lot of responsibility and a lot of pressure! But again, we love working with these children. As stressful as it may be, we may be the only people in their lives that are willing to sit down and show them how much we value their lives.

Let's move on! So basically, I gain a lot of my weight back. Actually, I gained it all back. So we decided to start a workout group. We decided we were all going to do Insanity together. What an INSANE choice huh? We started with about 10 people and little by little we went down to our core four. Shannon (my other half), Rusti (my BFFF-in-law), My mother, and myself! All four of us stuck it out. I lost about 15 pounds! I was happy.

Then again, I began to cycle back. Things got stressful in life: Work, finances, etc. I gained back about 10 pounds. Luckily it wasn't the full 15 pounds.

I don't know what to do with myself, but I know I need to get back into shape again...Here we go again!

Round 2 of Insanity!